What to say to someone who has cancer

My days have been kick-started with a bowl of oatmeal or hot Grape Nuts. I usually get hungry a couple hours after breakfast unless I eat oatmeal or Grape Nuts. Hot Grape Nuts with honey and milk are one of my favorites. Being home all day I get hungry often. I have been trying to make changes to my diet like eating less sugar and refined flour and eating more fruit and vegetables. More and more, I'm realizing how hard it is to break eating habits and to create new ones, but I am slowly winning.

I have been reminiscing on some of my experiences of the past two years. It is difficult to find the right words to say to somebody who has cancer.

As a cancer patient, it can sometimes be frustrating when people don't have the right words to say to you. Over time, I have learned to give people a lot of grace when they try to give words of consolation. For me, I have a few examples of things people have said to me that doesn't make sense.

I am going to be really honest and frank. If you are offended by this please consider that I personally have said the silly things below to others who face difficult circumstances. I don't hold it against anyone who has said these things to me or anyone else. This is just my experience of what I didn't like to hear, what I would have like to have heard, and what I've learned to say.

"It's going to be alright. I just know it." Really? It's not very convincing when one is really not fine and everything is not alright. What makes this statement frustrating and seem insensitive to me is that typically the person telling me this does not have the authority to make that assessment. I would think to myself, "Are you a doctor? No. Then how would you know?" Doctors are the only people in my mind who have the authority to tell me that because they usually have evidence to support that statement. I can only think of one other exception and that would be if someone was saying those words in a religious or spiritual context: "It's alright, even if you lose everything or die."

"Don't be scared." Same as above. Being scared is a natural human emotion like sadness. It is okay to be scared. Worry, on the other hand, is different, in my opinion. Worry is based one's conscious thoughts and with work thoughts can be guided.

So, what I have learned to do is translate what the person says into what the person probably means to say. When I hear these things being said I tell myself that the person probably means,

"It is okay to be scared and I'm scared too. What matters most is that we/I are/am here for you no matter what happens."

And that is a great thing to say.

For me, it is most important to be reminded and assured the people in my life (Waldos) are here for me.